What Does My Teen Really Mean When They Say…. “Leave Me Alone!”
Every human being has three dimensions to their human construct or composition – two virtual and one that is physical. Most people only identify with the physical, or the body. The other two include the mind and your spiritual dimension or nature. Why is this relevant? Because, each one communicates and integrates with the other.
If we take a mind-body-spirit perspective and approach with the things our kids do and say, we will be far more effective at guiding them! Acquiring strategies for supporting and understand how your teen thinks is essential for your effectiveness and your teens positive outcomes.
When your teen says, “Leave Me Alone!”, here’s what they may be saying on all three levels.
Mind: Mentally what your teen or adolescent is often trying to tell you in their unrefined sort of way is that, “You don’t get what I need. I’m preoccupied right now and maybe even hurting – and I have to learn to do this on my own. It’s what I’m being designed to do. To survive and thrive in life on my own…. or at least I need to think that I’m doing this on my own. It would be great if you could say things that release the mental struggle. Since that’s not happening, I don’t want you around.
Sometimes the hidden logic of the teen mind can be abrupt. However, when you understand all the abrupt changes that are happening within their brain it makes perfect sense that some of their behaviors might follow suit. It doesn’t mean they get to continue them. What they really need is loving guidance, understanding and a parent who can demonstrate “how” to act when things are going chaotic.
Body: Physically what your teen really wants to know is that you care about them – even when they act like they don’t want or value you! Hold on tight to this pearl of wisdom! They desperately need your encouragement and to know that things will get better. Showing your child how to manage and direct their technologies of emotions, mental activity and brain wiring will reveal to them how much in control of life they really are. It helps them eradicate the “victim mentality”, which is a fabulous asset to can give your child and builds confidence and self-assuredness.
Spirit: From a spiritual level your teen or adolescent is communicating from their very core, “I’m craving independence and freedom to grow. I need you to nourish that independence within me in healthy ways. I need guidance, but I don’t know fully what that looks like. I do know (spiritually) that feeling good about myself is the ideal! And the things that I’m hearing from you aren’t always in alignment with that. I need you to believe in my limitlessness, not my limitations. Coach me to the former and I will feel, think and operate better.”
If you’re wanting more information on any of these topics, the Mind Body Spirit Parenting Guidebook – Developing The Conscious Child provides in-depth information on all of these subject areas.